Dialogue with a three-year-old

Reuben: “Mommy, you’ll have to cross your legs when you sit down on the floor.  This was what Mrs Lai taught us in school.”

*No response from mommy, who was sitting with legs stretched out on the floor .*

Reuben: ” Look at my legs, mommy!  You ought to cross them like this!  Come on, try it!”

Mommy: “I can’t do it.”

Reuben: ” You can!  Just do it like me!”

Mommy: “You can do it easily because your legs are young.”

*Lame excuse….*

Papa interrupted: “Tell mommy to look at my legs.”

*Papa was sitting cross-legged like Reuben.*

Reuben: “Look mommy, papa can cross his legs too!  You can cross your legs!!”

Mommy: “Papa’s legs are young too.”

*Reuben stared at papa’s legs for a moment.*

Then he blurted out: “Makes no sense!!”

*The whole family rolled on the floor with laughter.*

Melting Moments

My little prince was sitting across the table during breakfast time when he said these words with much seriousness:  ”Mommy, my mind is to love you and I always love you!”  Oooh….music to my ears!

After school, when he just got off the school bus, told me to get down to his level.  When looking at me eye to eye, he held my face with his little hands and told me he wanted to kiss me and hug me and did just that.

What an amazing 3 year-old!  Cherishing every moment…..hmm….

End of 2008

Few more minutes and the year 2008 would be over.  This year I’ve started with the resolution that I wanted to live with a sense of purpose, driven by God.  And I’m glad I did and I saw how the favor of God had covered me through and through, in big and small things, in and out of season, in times of peace and in times of turmoil, His Spirit gently guides.

My heart sings of this:

“O LORD, You are the portion of my inheritance and my cup;

         You maintain my lot.” Psalm 16:5 (New King James Version)

With this confidence I can now take on the year 2009.  Great is His faithfulness.

Holiday for 7

We just came back from a 5D4N holiday to ClubMed, Bintan.  Took both our mothers along too.  What a troop of 7!

Despite Reuben and Ruth are young and still needing their daily naps, we managed to have all the fun with whatever time we had, rain or shine, especially at the beach.  Our moms enjoyed the buffet spread, the free flow of drinks from the bar and the nightly social activities such as performances, dances and karaoke.  Both moms also loved walking on the sand and even took pictures sitting on those big rocks.

We had a deluxe adjoining room with our children and the sea-facing rooms are very comfortably furnished.  Rachel enjoyed being at the Kids’ Club other than swimming in the pool or sea all day.  Reuben loved playing sand and Ruth just loved the splashes of the waves.

Thank God for this holiday break, we felt refreshed.  We would be back there again soon.

Midnight Wanderer

Eversince Ruth was borned, Reuben has been exhibiting some feelings of anxiety and insecurity.  He starts to wake up in the middle of the night and wanders into our bed every night.  I’m not used to having one wriggly little boy kicking and tossing around so with night feeds to Ruth and his untimely visits, it was taking a toil on me.  So we began a series of strategies to keep him in his own bed.

So Daniel & I ‘divide and conquer’ between the 2 younger ones.  As he has to take on Reuben, he starts receiving ‘night calls’ like: “Papa, I’m cold, please cover me”, “Papa, I’m wet, please change my diapers”, “Papa, hold me hand” etc.  It can get tiring doing this night after night so on some nights, the father refused to respond and before he knew it, the little boy is in our bed.  On those nights he chose to wait up for Reuben after ignoring the first call and then tried to catch him in the middle of his tracks and then shooed him back to his bed.  It does sound comical here because the father would just suddenly turn on the light switch and found Reuben stopped dead in the middle of climbing up our bed frame, pretending that he’s just a fixture on that frame!  And this will go on a few more times like a game to see who will outsmart the other one.

Some other nights Reuben was probably more tired then usual and since he was prohibited from going into any others’ bed, he either fell asleep leaning against one of our beds or he would just lie down on the floor just outside our bedrooms, just not giving up:

 

So one will get shocked in the middle of the night if one’s on the way out to take a drink and then see this dark shadow lying across the path.  Wonder what he thinks of it in a few years’ time….

Confinement Nanny Part 4 – Unforgettable

It was a teary goodbye for all of us when Aunty LH left us on the last day of her work.  Everyone of us here, young and old, including Ika, hugged her and cried with her and couldn’t bare to let her go.

Aunty LH had revived some part of me that had died along with those years of busyness and near burned out life.  She had reminded me what it is to be a mother, watching her going about from task to task with endless energy, always cheerful and jovial, yet warm and caring, always putting others first, having great initiative, patient, fun-loving, appreciative, supportive, hardworking, and the list goes on.

Before she came I had a subtle fear of not knowing how to cope with playing so many roles in life as a wife, a mother of 3 young ones, a daughter and a daughter-in-law as well as being an employer, besides others in other circles of relationship.  For the whole month when Aunty LH was here, by observing and interacting with her, I’ve gained much more wisdom which are biblical (though Aunty is not a Christian) and more confidence with each passing day.

One can never imagine how things around the house just have to break down in the month that I was having the new baby.  First it was the toilet flush system, then the aircon, then the washing machine and lastly the central water heater, around one item a week and that is keeping me busy enough just to look for the warranty cards and then get the updated contact to call and then the appointment day itself, besides other responsibilities.  It was also stressful enough to see the mess to be cleared up after the repair or replacement.  But looking back, I’m thankful that these appliances had “chosen” to breakdown at the right time, because of Aunty & Ika’s presence and help, I coped well.

Aunty LH likes to eat so since I have some time, I baked and cooked some cakes and desserts that brought much delight and appreciation from her.  It’s so nice to have someone with a warm and encouraging personality to cook together, filling the kitchen with much laughter and cheer.

Aunty had to leave on the day we were celebrating Ruth’s full month.  She did something really nice by cooking most of the food that is to be consumed for that occassion just before she went home. We had nasi lemak so she prepared the chilli sauce & fried anchovies 2 days ahead and then the rest of the dishes that morning.

We’ve become close friends who would call each other up to chat.  Aunty even dropped by during one of her visits to Singapore and I would surely get her favorite Nonya Kueh Lapis for her.

It is no wonder that she’s my favorite confinement nanny.  May God bless her her heart’s desire.

Rachel’s Achievements

Yesterday was a triumphant moment for Rachel, who had received her report book earlier.  She had done very well academically.  What had done us proud is that her character development has surpassed our expectations.  Her form teacher had rated her ‘Very Good’ in all 5 of the Personal Qualities of Courtesy, Helpfulness, Responsibility, Self-confidence and Work Attitude, besides Conduct, in addition to a favorable comment.

Rachel had gain much maturity this year as she bravely took on the challenges of a busier life.  This is the first year she started joining the school choir, personal violin lessons and daily practices, on top of many other activities that required much of her time away from home, besides having to welcome a newborn sister which means less of mommy to see her through homework and exam preparations.  She has also taken the challenge to improve on her Mandarin by being committed to watch a 7-8pm Korean serial dubbed in Chinese on the 2nd semester.

Contrary to the behaviors in the past, she no longer gives up easily on difficult tasks but learned to take them on humbly.  Our conversations about doing everything with an attitude of joy seems to awaken her to all the endless possibilities that she can embrace.  All of a sudden she is no longer afraid and complaining, but now a diligent doer with great faithfulness.

And I don’t think this change of attitude is due to her desire for the reward which we had promised her at the end of the year.  But it is God’s grace and mercy working in and through all of us.  As parents, we have learned that true forgiveness can do wonders to a child’s soul.  In the past, Rachel had been afraid of us whenever she did wrong for fear of punishment (such as 3hr lecture… ) so she would keep all her wrong-doings to herself and manifest her frustrations in other ways.  

Things took a spiralling downturn towards the middle of the year where a mini crisis woke us parents up.  God has humbled us to seek forgiveness from our heart-broken daughter and brought healing and restoration to our relationships.  We learned that a child wants very much to confide in us when she has done something wrong because she is also fearful of making mistakes which are inevitable sometimes.  But our responses often take the child as doing wrong purposefully and therefore meted out unnecessary punishments, which caused the child to withdraw more and more.

As parents we have to ask God daily for discernment and exercise unconditional love when dealing with our children.  We must not betray our children’s trust in us, for love always trusts, so we have to commit our inner insecurities to God rather than taking matters into our own hands whenever our children did wrong.

Love the way God loves is never wrong.

Ruth’s Recent Milestones

I’ve not been keeping track of Ruth’s growth very closely according to the developmental list till last night, when she found a way to pull herself up into a sitting position while in the playpen.  Then I realized how much Ruth has developed so just want to keep a record here:

• started on rice cereal on 16 Oct, after she turned 6 months old.  She is a pro at eating, just put the spoon near her mouth and she’ll be ready to take in the food.  I don’t need to put the whole spoonful of food in, she will just ‘drink up’ the cereal from the edge of the spoon like the way we would drink soup.
• the first teeth erupted two weeks later, 29 Oct, the earliest among my children.
• these few days she had been trying very hard to get onto her knees and lunge forward
• I suppose she is early in rolling over, starting from 4 months and then proceeded to roll over both ways
• her neck has been very firmly supporting her head since early months, as early as first month, so much so she likes to be held upright most of the time.  Since last week, she has been sitting up steadily though she had not pulled herself into the sitting position yet.  She had always resisted lying down for too long.  When on her tummy, she can lift her head and chest up high steadily with both her arms.
• at six-and-a-half months old, she likes to drop things onto the floor and her eyes can track the movement of the dropped object.
• she has a keen sense of observation of things and people around her, and has developed the ability to indicate her desires through her smiles, body movements and cries.  

She is now very attached to mommy, sometimes makes other family members feel a bit rejected… But good thing she doesn’t object much to being left in the cradle roll in church on Sundays, where she gets to play to her heart’s content.

I’m really curious what kind of personality Ruth has…

6 months have passed

In the blink of an eye, 6 months has passed since I gave birth to Ruth.  She is growing very well, at the moment weighing 9.5kg, before starting any solids.  Just started her on rice cereal once a day and she’s puzzled at what goes into her mouth, doesn’t seem to be enjoying it all…

Some updates of her looks since 2 months back….

 

Time Flies

Yes, time flies. Ruth is now 4 months old. I should be back in action for my blog…gradually. Ruth has been growing very well, weighs 8.2kg, drinks well and sleeps through the night. My life is slowly picking up after the initial 2 months of transition from a 2-children family to a 3-children family plus a domestic helper.

It had been a turbulant period of time, with so many unexpected events taking place one after another, as if childbirth is not stressful enough. My two older children took turns to manifest their needs of attention, sometimes in unpleasant ways. After a stressful time of school exams, school holidays came. It was tough trying to meet the needs of one 10-year-old and one almost-3-year-old, while trying to establish the routine and milk supply for the breastfed little one. Some days just didn’t work out well, with Ruth taking a long time to finish her milk due to sleepiness and the other 2 craving for attention and then lashing out at each other eventually.

Some may think that I’m making a big deal over this transition. But being the only child who only hanged out with older people makes me a poor communicator with younger people, don’t even mention play. I was at a loss of how to relate and play with my children, individually and together.

But somehow by God’s grace I survived the school holidays, managed to spend time with my children fruitfully and joyfully. I even got a chance to watch the “Kungfu Panda” movie with Rachel alone (we hardly go to cinemas).

I’m beginning to enjoy being a mother of 3….

Ruth is here!

Born on 15th April 2008. 

Confinement Nanny Part 3 – God’s faithful provision

15th April (Tuesday) was the day we’ve chosen to have Ruth delivered by C-section, at 39 weeks of gestation. We prepared ourselves as much as we could towards the date.

The most interesting episode was about the confinement nannies. In my previous post I’ve mentioned that the confinement nanny(Aunty LH) that I had engaged months ago had called a week before the date to turn down the job because her husband had a stroke attack. She had kindly found a replacement for me, someone she knows and was reliable. After the call, Daniel and I immediately took this matter to God and asked God for wisdom on what to do next.

Initially I wasn’t comfortable in taking her recommendation. So I sent out notices to friends for their help. The very next day I received 4 numbers to call. After a day of waiting on God, I was surprised that God had prompted me to call the lady that Aunty LH had recommended.

So the call was made and the arrangement was set up and confirmed. The lady came to Singapore over the weekend prior to 15th Apr to wait for my call while staying in her sister’s house. She is a Malaysian.

On Monday afternoon we contacted each other again to confirm my home address and directions for her to get here by public transport.

Daniel and I were just watching the last episode of the Korean soap when she called at 10.50pm. In a panic voice she told me that she was very sorry that she couldn’t help me out because someone in her family had just passed away (her sister, I found out later)! After hanging up the phone, both of us immediately went before God and asked Him to take over, because there’s really nothing we could do as we have to leave for the hospital early the next morning.

I then called another contact who runs an agency that should have available help at this time, but no one answered the call. But we felt a strange sense of peace despite all this unsettling situation.  Another 5 mins passed, the phone rang. It was aunty LH, who told me that she was informed about the situation and she would come to take over. Her husband had recovered much since he started treatment and he was the one who encouraged her to go ahead and take the confinement job.

I really marveled at how God just make things beautiful in His own time.  Aunty LH is really a good helper, the best among the three I’ve had.  She’s cheerful, systematic, knows what she wants and yet exercises discretion and flexibility.  I felt very well rested and ministered to by her warmth and constant encouragements.  She provides fantastic support for breast-feeding through the period when my nipples were sore and bleeding.  One can tell that she genuinely loves babies and children, from the way she handles Ruth, singing and talking to her, even Reuben likes to play with her and doesn’t even mind her giving him a shower on my behalf.

We’re truly blessed.

Mealworm Finale

Let the pictures speak for themselves:

 

Confinement Nanny Part 2

The 2nd confinement lady was also not my first choice, but she was available at that time.  This is a much older lady and she is by nature a very cheerful and chatty person.

She would have many stories and jokes to tell and she would check on me from time to time throughout the day.  At first I took all these rather well.  But as the days went on, I found this bubbly nature unbearable and to a point, irritating. 

By nature I’m a quiet person and likes to spend time alone mostly.  I’m not anti-social or have anything against bubbly people but I don’t like to be engaged all the time throughout the day.  I can have long and meaningful conversations but have little tolerance with long sessions of gossips and slanderous talks initiated by this lady or my mom. 

As you can guess, both my mom and this lady got on really well, speaking the same dialect (khek) and shared many similar views.  Somehow I found this lady took advantage of my mom and mom-in-law.  Throughout her stay here, she did not go marketing even once.  She just used her smooth tongue to get our mothers to come over daily, bringing what she needed for the day. 

Then I realized that she was not that organized and routine so it kind of upset my routine of breastfeeding and rest, as well as Reuben’s feeding and sleeping cycles.  For example, she would shower Reuben only when she was free and that upset him because he was due for a nap then.  Despite my many explanations and promptings, she failed to follow.  I understand now that she had not done it on purpose, it is just her personality, too flexible, very easily distracted and swayed, not organized and systematic and definitely no routine.

The worst thing was that she listened to my mom, seemed to want to please her more than anything else (sigh…).  Under my mom’s instructions, she cooked for me 6 times a day, almost using one chicken a day with one full bottle of rice wine (undiluted), lots of ginger, and lots of herbs and herbal tonics in between which were unnecessary.  She did suffer the consequences, however, because Reuben was quite affected by the food I ate and couldn’t sleep well night after night, keeping her awake every night for the whole month.  His diaper rash was so bad to the point of having an open wound, weepy (due to excessive ginger, I found out later).

From this lesson I learned that one must interview and discern the character of the confinement lady before hiring.  What was good for another mother (my friend’s strong recommendation) may not be suitable for me.  And it is important that she takes instructions from the hirer and not the hirer’s mom or mom-in-law, to avoid further stress.  And having some knowledge and preferably some experience in the area of caring for breastfeeding mothers and babies would be a plus, so to give assistance and support and not cause unnecessary discouragements.

I ended this confinement with much fear and stress because I had failed to establish a routine for Reuben by the first month.  I didn’t know how I could cope with Reuben’s sleepless nights without a helper.

God is good and always answers prayers.  That very night after the lady went home, Reuben slept well except for feeding times and life was back to normal for us right from the next day. 

Confinement Nanny Part 1

Last evening, my confinement maid called to inform me that her husband is hospitalized due to a sudden stroke.  Which means she can’t help me out for the whole month of confinement after Ruth’s birth.  I’ve to get someone else and she has a contact who is available to fill her gap.

I was overwhelmed with a sense of panic at that very instant and my heart-rate went up.  Ruth must have sensed my emotions as she was also very restless for quite a while. 

Then the word “Blessed” came to mind.  Lynette was just sharing with me yesterday afternoon that the word came to her when thinking about me.  God must have known all my struggles dealing with the unknown and the unexpected and is training me to trust Him.  Trust Him to give me a good and healthy baby; that He will give me a good domestic helper (which He did hand-pick one, nothing but the best); to take care of our family finance and physical health; and now even the selection of the confinement maid.

I had all along engaged a confinement nanny after my children’s birth.  And my encounters were interesting.  The first one was not my choice, she took over her mother’s task since her mum was old and ill.  But she was reluctant to come and was trying to recommend someone else at the eleventh hour.  But because I insisted, she relented and came over, from Malaysia.

On her first week of work, I found out that her only daughter was caught amd imprisoned some weeks ago with her boy-friend while he carried drugs in his car, here in Singapore.  This poor mother was worried sick and yet she had to perform her duties in my household.  She was very responsible for her tasks, from caring for Rachel and me to marketing to cooking and cleaning the house.  She was orderly and routine, very efficient and clean.  During the month when she was here, the court was hearing the daughter’s case and visitations were allowed.  So she asked for permission to attend those hearings and visitations.  What I liked about her is that she would take care of everything before she went out, such as bathed and dressed Rachel, cooked my meals and all other necessary chores so I won’t have to worry about them during the few hours she was away. 

The only complaint I have about her is that she doesn’t support total breastfeeding, which was a little discouraging for a first time mother, because she always felt that my milk supply was not enough and needed to add supplements and water.  But from her I learned that babies can be fed a little water in between by the teaspoon (since I don’t want to use milk bottles), just to let them get use to the taste of water.  My children drink lots of plain water by the cupfuls, other than milk, since weaning time, to the envy of many mothers.

What stressed me most was that my mother didn’t like this confinement lady, not only because she had to attend to personal matters, but most of all she did not subscribe to my mom’s way of doing things or cooking.  So mom complained to me daily about her, whether over the phone or in my house.  Everything the lady did just didn’t go down well with her.  The only same ground they shared was on the breastfeeding issue, which brought great distress to me.

But my heart went out towards this mother in distress because of her wilful daughter, and I gave her the freedom to go out as often as she needed to.  I don’t know what was the outcome of her daughter’s trial, but I know deep within this lady’s heart she was grateful for my understanding and she actually made an extra visit here some months after the confinement, something she would never have done in the past, bringing titbits for our family as a token of appreciation.

I believe that was a divine encounter.  Wish I remember where I have kept her contact….

This short life

Today is HW’s funeral.  Age below 50, left behind his wife and 2 young children.  His mother’s grief is beyond words.  To me, this is the 5th friend who had died at a youthful age.  2 out of car accidents and others to terminal illness.

To us who are still alive, we always think that life shouldn’t be this short for them.  Other than those who died the sudden death, those who were ill were just counting their days.  I can’t imagine the kind of struggles they were going through, on the one hand preparing for the worst and on the hand having to live life to the full as much as possible, battling the illness at the same time.

Last Christmas we were at HW’s house for Christmas celebration.  While all of us were chatting away about our dreams, future careers and ministries, I noticed that HW quietly slipped away to play with the children.  It dawned upon me that he can no longer has desires and dreams for such topics, for he can’t see what is ahead of tomorrow.  There was just a quiet surrender to the Lord for the road ahead that he had to take.  That humbled me and made me sober…sigh….While playing with the children, his eyes sparkled like a child and he was having a good time interacting and joking with them, just like the same old friend we used to know.

From the number of people who had attended the funeral wake, we know that HW had, in this short life, impacted many lives.

“Dear HW, we thank you for being a part of our lives, being such a patient, caring person who always had a good sense of humor in every situation.  You have shown us what is courage to live this last stage of life, never giving up and always trusting God.  You have not failed to cheer others up despite of your own helplessness.  In you we see the compassion and meekness of our Lord Jesus Christ, who was in the same situation like you, counting His days on earth and yet lived on boldly, ministering to many with needs, showing them what the kingdom of God is.  You have left us a excellent example of Christ-likeness.”

“Farewell our friend, it’s so painful to see you leave us.  But we can still rejoice because we will meet again in heaven.  In the meantime, we will all miss you dearly.”

Goodbye, HW.

Monkey business

After his afternoon nap and behind closed door, Reuben decided to explore my dresser table.  He had been interested in those few lipsticks there for some time and his chance came.  When I found him, he had already tried almost every color on his face, lips and clothes.

A pity I wasn’t in the mood for humor to record that moment down on the camera…

But later in the evening I did record one of his cheeky deeds.  He happened to pass motion into his shorts and you guess right the poop dropped onto the floor…. but I’d better not post the picture here….

Tough being a mom when incidents happened one after another in a single day, either the same child makes them all happen or the children take turns to give you those challenges.  I can choose to be fuming all day long or just lighten up, sip a cup of hot milo and then slowly clear the mess.  The latter sounds easy but unfortunately I could only do that one out of 10 times.

I had been handling all alone till Ika, my domestic helper, came a month ago.  And I can’t express enough how much I appreciate her help and initiative. 

Perhaps I should learn to develop my parenting-sense-of-humor for the days ahead as one more child will be coming…

Airplant blossom

The weather has been quite wet the last week during the start of the school holidays.  So we were mostly at home.  The airplants are enjoying much of the wet season and to my delight, 2 flowers appeared on the Tillandsia mallemontii simultaneously.

Nocturnal leg cramps

Leg cramps are common whenever I went swimming, usually the toes would take turns, besides calf muscles.

But since I started having babies, leg cramps took on a new level, practically any part of the leg that has muscles will get into cramps, especially during sleep at nights.  Among the 3 pregancies, the one with Reuben was of the worse, occuring nightly throughout the whole thirty over weeks.  The most painful ones are the cramps in the thigh muscles, whether in front or behind or at the sides, they are very, very painful and take long time to relax.

This time round, nocturnal leg cramps only came in the recent weeks, and not very frequent.  I noticed that I do not have much water retention compared to the last pregancies.  When there is water retention (obvious around my ankles), nocturnal leg cramps would occur.  Online search results show that cramps are due to dehydration and certain mineral deficiencies such as calcium, magnisium and potassium.

What I do to relieve the pain in the night is to have a small tube of Counterpain cream by my bedside.  The heat of the cream can provide some relieve and quicken the relaxation of the muscles sooner.  If not Daniel has to wake up many times a night just to rub down my tensed muscles (he is really sweet and does it everytime without complaints).

But I have no complaints, but hearfelt gratitude to God.  Of all the pregnancies I had, this is the easiest, least discomfort and I was full of energy most of the time, despite being the busiest, sleeping the least and having to care for an active, cheeky and a hefty little 2 year-old who wants to be carried often.  That defies all old wives tales of having to be careful and avoid carrying heavy loads of things such as babies or toddlers during pregnancy.  Most of all it defies the law of nature about being more tired when one gets older.

No doubt a miracle of healing had taken place in my body.  I had never been able to complete a 2.4m stadium track within 30 mins in my school days but I was able to complete a 5km Sheare’s Bridge run at age 39 within that duration. 

Clinging on to this Word of God from 1 Peter 2:24 “He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.”

Yes, all of us can live for righteousness and in wholeness when we believe.

Ika

Our first foreign domestic maid, Ika, has finally arrived yesterday.  She looks prettier than the photo, with big, sparkling bright and intelligent eyes; winsome smile and generally very sweet looking.  She is very attentive and responsive with good initiative on our first meeting.

As we are the first time employers of a domestic maid, we feel a bit loss when it comes to giving her tasks to do.  That is because she could complete her tasks so fast and before we knew it, she asked what to do next, and eventually asked for a time-table.  Her housekeeping skills are not bad, coupled with some good common sense.  It is an added advantage that she can handle simple food preparations and cooking as well.

God has indeed hand-picked a good helper for us.  I’ve prayed very hard that our new maid would not be someone who is slow in understanding and needs repetitive instructions.  In fact, now I’m a little concerned with how to keep her occupied sufficiently throughout the whole day so she would not keep coming back to ask what to do next. Anyway, I think that if she had done what she needs to do for the day, she should take some rest or do some reading.

So a time-table will be drawn up within the next 2 days.